a newest year

reunion deferred 

crossing streets on the eve of another year...conflicted yearnings of destinations. i arrive upon a steel framed home. invited by a man name eric. his smile and welcome is filled with warmth. singular hallways give way to doubting invitees who neither know me and the weight of strangers' conversation bring dread. then there she is...sals, the arriving into her embrace and with weightless hands she takes me on this eve. i remember the winter's reflective heart. she looks beyond me. the night is filled with warmth...among people whom i have yet to discover. a woman tells me of atheist boyfriends, another tells me she is a "bad" christian while in my heart, i tell her i am too. reflecting on martial arts, chinatown youth and the elusiveness of rhythm among asians, assembly language, discovering a common thread of nyu, melody the hidden cat, champagne in plastic martini glasses, couture flowers, denied engagements, 12 minus one grape, irish dancing among drunken stupor of john lee hooker music, smoking menthol cigarettes with tempting scotch, a bend of discovery of meeting the other broken half, utah mormons, marking time with cell phones, wong kar wai postcards...there i was, seeking a destination and getting lost in the midst of all these faces. so beautiful and wanting to enter their lives but realizing the limitations of this life of mine. as this destination closes, she walks me out. and in the breathing of this home, she offers me three words of hope. and my heart's walls crumble as this girl, who hold such tenderness that drafts so much strength, she wishes me well and safety as i leave.

i abbreviate my other destinations.

as i end of destinations. i discover that i want to come home. home. within the walls of shelter. that envelopes. that says there is a reason. reason to arrive. music seems to pass over me and i sigh...i am home...abandoning all for this one...